An Open Letter to People Who Still Read The Blog I Started Last Year

Dear You Guys,

Oh hi.

So it’s been a hot minute since I’ve last updated this piece of shit. I guess that’s what happens when you go from Part-Time Art Gallery clerk to more than Full-Time Planner of Things (Stuff Category). So to actually carve out the time and a chunk of my day to update this blog with my musings about pop culture, life, and… politics (

So what’s up? Want a recap of stuff that’s gone down? Here are some highlights:

1. I’m pretty sure that in 2014, I farted about 5 years off my life. It was a great year and I want to thank La Taqueria, 4505 Meats, and milk for giving me that opportunity. I couldn’t have done it without the support of those great sponsors.

2. I went back home to Hawaii to eat fried chicken.That’s all. Is it weird or insensitive that I keep thinking I have to drain my mom’s head of recipes before she croaks? But everytime I call her, I feel like I have to sift through all the other stuff she wants to tell me about in order to get to the good stuff. All I wanna know is what she puts in that weird brown egg and pork dish that every Asian mom has a recipe for, but I have to listen to her chirp for an hour about how she doesn’t know why my sisters don’t call her.

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3.I started drawing again. And by drawing I mean like those doodles you did in the margins of your college notebooks to prevent you from passing out due to being hungover from the night before. But I think I’m gonna make my own brand of Emojis called Jemojis… they’re just more expressive and better and you can for sure tell that all the Jemojis are Asian. None of this “guess what ethnicity this yellow emoji” is.

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4. I joined the awkward world of Tinder! Hooray! Now I can tell how much herpes is in a 3 mile radius of me! I went out on one date with a hot Irish guy that I knew absolutely nothing about and couldn’t understand anything he said because he sounded like he had Blarney stones in his mouth. But he’s the closest thing I would ever have to dating Michael Fassbender. Thanks Tinder!

5. Swimming is the greatest thing ever. So when I was in Hawaii, I guess I had this realization that I love the water and swimming and it’s pretty much the only “nature-loving” thing about me. I could care less about trees and mountains and shit, but give me water and I’m all about it. So I squeeze myself into a bathing suit and swim twice a week. Sometimes it’s difficult. The bathing suit part, not the swimming. It had been so long that I didn’t even own a swimsuit, and getting into one was like trying to put toothpaste back into the tube you squeezed it from. But I managed to find one that keeps my goods in and doesn’t make me look too much like a water mammal.

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6. Jurassic World is coming out.

I love dinosaurs. I really do. And I love that I know that there are more years between when T-Rex and Stegosaurus existed than there is between when mankind and T-Rex existed. Mind…blown. You’re welcome.

7. Hugh Nguyen. This is really a story to be told out loud. Please, if you know me, ask me and I will tell you the great tale of Hugh Nguyen. Even if you don’t know me and would still like to know, give me your phone number and I will call at an inconvenient time and leave the longest voice mail explaining the greatness that is the story of Hugh Nguyen.

8. Louis CK made fried chicken.

9. …

10. … I guess that’s it.